This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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