I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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