I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Are we still banned from the library?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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