So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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