like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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