am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
