I want to stick my p in your. b.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
