I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
