you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
