she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
