I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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