Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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