I cockslap morals
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
