I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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