mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
