There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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