The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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