the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
