my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
