I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
