i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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