if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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