I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
