I wish I could punch you in the face.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
