Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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