my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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