I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
