dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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