I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
