i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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