I'm so fucking centered right now
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize