I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
