i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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