Pants 0. Shit 1.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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