stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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