What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
