i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
