i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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