Soap is not a condiment
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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