My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
