Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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