We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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