does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
