Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish i was in the wii world.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
