somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
