so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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