Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You took a bar mat shot.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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