I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
