I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Who died my cat blue again?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
