you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
