i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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