I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
