i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
