he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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