So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
