Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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