Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
