I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
