woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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