Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
