Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
