btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
