can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
MIDGETS
????
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
