I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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