she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
