I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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