Sponge bath it is.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
