I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
