his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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