Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
