I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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