I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
