Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
