There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
we're so committed to being not committed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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