I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
