in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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