Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
