Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
