ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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