Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
