my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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