I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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