Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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