Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
