he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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