look no pants
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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