Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
