Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize